We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please don't give away my fajitas
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize