So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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