apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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