I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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