I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize