He passed out mid-signature
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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