I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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