so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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