Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize