this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I understand Curling. That high.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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