His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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