The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize