He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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