you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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