i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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