i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize