He kissed a someone with a penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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