Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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