Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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