Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
God, I missed his penis.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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