i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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