We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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