so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the gays at disneyland are vicious
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I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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