on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize