he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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