Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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