I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
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I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize