He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize