thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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