i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize