We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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