My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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