1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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