Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize