Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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