I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
