i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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