Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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