you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize