Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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