Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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