I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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