Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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