I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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