your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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