What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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