i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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