Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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