Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize