Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize