I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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