My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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