Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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