I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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